Thursday, August 31, 2006
♥
-10:05 PM lets talk abt sth happy (: we had teacher day celebration today! the party was fun. hoho lilaoshi sae the present is cute okay (: and i guess the singing of somewhere out there is touching cos even i felt like crying. btw the food are nice and i ate so much i am growing fat. BLEAH! and there is buffet on sat. goodness!
then we had the concert. everything went on well except ppl keep telling me i appeared on stage -.- then at backstage we were super nervous so we started playing a retarted game called bing bomb bang and it test our reaction. apparently lianghui won. fine i feel loser losing to her x) heh! then we helped to clear up and stuff. btw the bballer and the canteen vendors are cute (:
aft that went back to cf with huiying and sandy. sandy offered me this big bag of marshmellows which look so sweet. haha (: i ate a lot. see FATS! oh i feel bad i didnt wait for xinying. sorry xinying (: i shall buy her sth nice in return. err then we slept on the bus. fine random but it was a nice sleep okay. even huiying say so. then huiying bought herself from oldchangkee to eat while sandy left her to rot in the bag.
oh loads of ppl went back to cf. we had fun there. we walk and when we felt our leg breaking, we sit, then when we felt that it is expanding, we walk. so we practically walk and sit and btw. WANGLAOSHI RMB MY NAME (: cool man. sandy is so jealous. lahlahlah! aft that we sent kexin to the door then we went to northpoint. i almost exploded on the journey okay! i guess only sandy and huiying know why. haha huiying is a nice person (: she listens to me sing but i guess she is scared of me! now i know how she feel cos i was attacked by EUNICE CHING! but i am not as terrible as eunice right! grah eunice is so scary man! and the four just keep laughing at me! GRAH
and guess wad. we went to eat at the same place and the worse thing is THE ONLY SEATS AVAILABLE IS THE ONE BESIDE OR BEHIND OR ONE TABLE BEHIND THEM. obviously take the one one table behind right. so we bought ice cream, eat, play, and look the sundae and mc flurry x) stupid sick guy i want to paste scothtape on his eyes so he cant see! bleah! then the 2 who keeps walking arnd. i guess they lost their way in northpoint (: even though northpoint is not very big..wells...
finally huiying went home first then me and sandy sat in macs again. she bought corncup at first, but we didnt feel like leaving so she bought a meal again. btw EUNICE is so lame.... fine.
then i sms ppl. and my sms almost explode. me and twinnie talked a lot of stuff for like 1 hr. i feel sad ): and guilty and sorry and BAD. i feel rotten. now i feel better. those things have been keeping in my heart for so long and there was no one i cld tell. not even her cos she will just laugh and not say anything. its like no use cos she may even mock at me. now that i told everything to twinnie i feel better. its like there is no point regretting. sometimes we just have to accept all that had happen. if only i had been more aware of what was happening at that time i wont have make the mistake.
now as we talk, i feel so bad and...sad? its like we still talk so much, complain, grumble, make fun, gossip and talk nonsense, just liek the past, but a part of the feeling is gone. i want to care but i guess i am not in the position to anymore cos its not the same again. just like twinnie, she regretted hers, i regret mine too. if only someone can turn time back for us. i know its no point harping over this over and over esp aft like 2 yrs but it never seem to be able to get out of my mind. cos we talk so frequent that i cant help but think of those times. if only we had not been so close, it wld be better right? cos the care and concern you showed me now through the words and action still make me think of the past and there was no way i could get it out of my mind. cos the fun and laughter we had now still remind me of the past when we stayed up till midnight to talk. cos the gossip and consolation still bring back those times when we sms even till our sms burst. and when u wld talk to me till late in the night just to make me happy, or send a sweet little msg to make me smile and know u r there, the presence of you without me able to see you still remind me of that time when you were overseas and how much i missed you. and as i think of the changes, i cld feel the eyes turning watery. whats worse is u r still so nice to me and here for me when i needed a listening ear, which made me unable to stop my reliance on you and get my thoughts out. cos you are always there and there is no way i cld get away.
not only you. i feel sorry to many other yous too. esp you. when i see you today, i cld feel the heart sinking. maybe it was good. you walked away, i walked away. 1 yr.. but it was like ytd. even though we didnt rly talk, but i wont forgot those few smses. i am sorry i knew i was the one in wrong. i shld have replied! i shld have. i shld not have done that.. but too bad i done it. i want to say sorry now, but i cant pluck up my courage to say a sorry to you. and i know even if i did, you wld not accept it. or will you rmb it? i feel so guilty towards you, but there was nth i cld do. twinnie wanted to help me send you a apology, but will it work. i know apology dont help..and somewhat i miss u too sometimes when i am alone and i watch those korean dramas. somewhat they remind me of you, and i think you know why, cos u r the special one in a thousand that i know.
and because of the sms, because of you two. it brought me to so many yous. even though i told sandy abt a lot of yous, the guilty and regret is still within me. its like.. the so many regrets have held me back i feel so tired. and whats worse, they keep talking abt it. not only abt one, abt all. and as they speak, the memories fly back again..more and more.. and never ending. because everything seem so beautiful before i destroyed them. I AM A LOSER!
when i walked home alone.. my mind was filled with all these. i realise..the journey home alone is the hardest, loneliest, saddest and the one that can allow you to see what is within your the heart the clearest. and i saw mine..i saw you...
DANCER
Girlfriend
Girlfriend
Thursday, August 24, 2006
♥
-10:21 PM its disappointing to hear this. why wont you say it directly by yourself. why do u have to go through all the trouble before letting the comments be heard. why cant you just say it in the face. maybe it was harsher, but it cld have felt better than letting the whole world know before the person herself know it. maybe it was meant to hurt, i dunno? but if it really pissed you off so much, tell, and u shall not be bothered by it anymore. we are not posers! we dont do it just because...its not as if we violate the rules in the past, we are merely doing a bit more now as our part. why wont you understand? if you dont like it, say it. please dont talk behind the back because you never know how much more hurting it is...
DANCER
Girlfriend
Girlfriend
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
♥
-8:53 PM i feel sad ): laoshi pls dont give up on us. we will work extra doubly triple hard for nycd. we promise ): goodness i almost cried when i heard what laoshi said during lunch. i guess poo and me were both very affected. laoshi seem disappointed in us ): and when we were outside the hall..how i wished we didnt see laoshi. it was so saddening and somewhat i cld feel laoshi disappoinment as she walked away. the tears almost fell. me bianca and lianghui were feeling so sad and guilty ): I AM SORRY LAOSHI )): and poopoo dont be sad anymore! sigh its a saddening day but i guess we just have to accept it. we chose this..right ): its not about regret now, i have no regrets, i just feel sorry SIGH!
DANCER
Girlfriend
Girlfriend