Monday, September 04, 2006
♥
-10:57 PM hello sad blog. i am back..again. because daddy is only going overseas tmr so i get to use you again. are u feeling sad? cos you have to tolerate my stupid character and my endless flow of how miserable i feel. but too bad. u cant run away. cos u r the only one i can confide to apart from twinnie. and i know how miserable u feel as well.. i pity u.
well i guess i shld try posting all the bad stuff first so that i will feel better later when i end with the happy? things. well its nth much..its just that. today i was telling twinnie a lot of stuff on the bus. throughout the whole journey i was talking, they were all funny and happy stuff, but indirectly linked to those ppl, which indirectly link to..ohwell. then i told twinnie abt the conversation and the consolation you gave.. twinnie say u r a sweet and nice person. i think so too, but i hope you are not one. i hope u wld just tease me and make fun of me like what u did aft that, cos it wld make me feel better than. at least u will sound like you dont care.. but again, i somewhat hoped that u do care. and when you do care, i hope you dont. i know i always do that, when this happen i hope for that, when that happen i hope for this, i nv ever learn to treasure even aft i have lose sth i treasured most. can someone pls return it back to me.. cos it has been gone so long and i cant find it back again..
its so irritating! i want to blk the whole world now. cos everyday i wld see at least one of u online. i dont want to see anyone. i want to live alone. at least like this i wont lose sth and regret it for life, at least like this i wont have to speak to anyone abt it, at least like this i will not lose anything, at least like this i wont see you, and i wont feel the guilt and sadness anymore. cos like this i need not be blamed anymore for anything that happen, i wont need to face you and feel like i let the whole world down, cos i can just tell the whole world openly i did nth wrong, anyway i am all alone..
i dont wish to be seen as the one who broke it, i dont wish to be seen as the one who came in btw, i dont wish to be seen as the extra one, and the bad one. i nv once want to hurt anyone, and whenever twinnie talk abt u. i can see it in her eyes, i can hear it in her tone, i know she is feeling worst than anyone else, and when i heard it come out from her mouth, abt the other girl, and when she told me abt ur nick, i feel so bad to her. now i feel bad to her as well, cos its hard to not talk abt u when she talk to me and the others, and when she was asked abt ur nick, i wonder how she answered it. will u pls stp this and tell the truth.. and i am sorry twinnie. whenever i see you cry, u make me feel sad too ): i am really sorry for all ur misery, whether u still feel it for him or just guilt, i am still sorry. sometime i hope u r not always there for me, cos when u r, it makes me feel so bad to make u listen to me when u urself is alrd so miserable. and u always listen to me while u keep things to urself, and when u cry i cld do nth much except stand there and sae dont cry, i know i am quite useless. i just received ur sms saying happy talking and good night with a smiley. i dunno how to reply u. to say i am not happy talking? or not? in fact i am not. but given ur character i know u wld feel guilty if i say i am not, when the problem dont lie with u. u r just like this, always thinking abt others before self. if only u were a selfish twinnie ): cant u be a bit more selfish?
this is so terrible, cos apparently those tears are flowing down like dunno what and daddy is just at the other side of the room. everyone is always so nice, unlike me..horrible person who brings nth but troubles. even those who i let down, who i make feel miserable are nice to me. pls ppl, scold me now.. dont be so nice to me, cos i am so not worth it. fine i dont wish to continue anymore. goodbye. i know if its not u blog, it will be twinnie, i am sorry twinnie i make u listen to me, and sorry blog i always use you to say it, somethings are better kept within self. but with u and twinnie arnd, its quite hard... if only nice ppl dont exist. and you! stp telling me both of u can only be friends, cos i hope both of you wld be more than just friends. STP TELLING ITS JUST FRIENDS!
a lot of happy things happened, but they dont seem to be able to fight those water from the eyes. i shld try...okay NUMBER 1. we had dance.. laoshi praised me sometimes (: hoho and lianghui made me laughed. and laoshi told me what i shld improved too. then suikim made me laugh too. everyone smiled to me and talked to me, nth bad happen. happy? no effect. fine..number 2. we had lessons in sch. remedial for history, ms koh said a lot of stories, qianqian weiyi added some colours to my phone. i got to know a new parrot. nth bad happen, i even got to enjoy free aircon. happy? fine number 3. we had choral and drama night practise. a time with classmates, my nice and frenly classmates, we laughed and joked, happy? okay nth else. i guessed its sth quite happy, i listed out 3..
okay i shall dedicate a paragraph to twinnie, though she wanted a post, i feel too lazy to post then post again. sry twinnie, i know i am bad to you. anyway i just want to say thank u for always being there for me these few yrs, i rly didnt regret knowing u and i wonder what will happen to me one day without u by my side. i was just wondering, if i didnt know u 7 yrs ago, what wld become of me now. most probably i wont have so much colours and laughter in my life, i wld be a lonely soul who goes home alone, a pathetic girl who got no one to talk to. u have been a most precious treasure in my life, even the world's most precious gem cannot compare to u, and i was glad get to know you. life has been most fun and colourful with you arnd, cos u nv fail to make me smile when i am bored, make me laugh when i feel sad, make me feel loved with ur retarded sms, make me entertained with ur phonecalls, make me feel not lonely when i take the bus, make me feel impt when u wait for me so long just for cca to end, make me feel treasured when u sit with me in macs, make me feel great when u listen to my nonsensical nonsense. twinnie i just want to say, I LOVE YOU! i seriously hope we wld still be together even till all our teeths drop, then we will sit on the swing together to watch the world if both of us are too tired to walk, and we will hold on to each other, support each other, there wld be no need for walking sticks.
DANCER
Girlfriend
Girlfriend