Monday, September 11, 2006
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-9:52 PM I AM DAMN PISSED NOW! and i am serious. this is the worst thing that can ever happen cos i have been pissed since morning till now. let me tell u, i know this is not just abt me. its abt us. and u know, i dont think u freaking care too. cos apparently i think my reason is more valid than yours, and who give u the right to criticize me when u yourself arent anywhere better. u know what? i dont think u dared to do that if i had not told u i was going to cos apparently u still seem to be able to go on that day when i told u i cant. and if ur reason was so valid then let me ask u, u promised to go for which first? at least i told ON THAT DAY itself i had sth on, and u? like aft u promised them u cld? u shld go do some self reflection too okay.
its not just abt criticizing me, i dont mind u doing that. at least i DO know what u r unhappy abt, but let me tell u this, if u do realise, i am not the only one. and have u tried asking others why they couldnt make it? cos apparently u only manage to find out why i cld not go so u criticize me, right? why not find something else to do, like find out why others cld not? maybe they had more ridiculous reason! and i think mine is much better than urs. u know sometime its not just abt how U feel, cos u shld do some self reflection too and think if U shld feel that way. and guess what, the organiser herself didnt go, why wont u blame her? cos u r not close to her and she is not as nice to bully? or what! or do u just want to run me down in front of others. if thats ur aim that let me tell u CONGRATS u manage to. are u happy now? apparently i dont know how i ever offended u but i seriously think ur attitude sucks too. u think u r great? u think u contribute a lot? then ask urself, how many times have u let ur cca down.. go think abt it. and now let me tell u this, it not only concern u, it concern the WHOLE cca. go think abt it.
and let me tell u this. a BLOG is meant to be online diary. and what is a diary for? to let u express ur feels and thoughts, to make u let out ur emotions so that u wont breakdown someday, not a stage for u to act happy and excited the whole day. everyone have their sad and happy moments, i am a human too and i have emotions as well. i cant possibly be smiling and laughing whole day, if i do, i must be a super POSER or a LUNATIC. and do u expect me to tell u abt how sad i feel? well.. even if i tell u u wont understand, and do u expect me to confide it all to just someone or everyone, somewhat some feelings just cant be expressed. so i used the blog. is this SO scandalous? let me tell u this, if u dont feel like reading, skip that paragraph, or u can jolly well just leave this place and come back to read when i post sth happy. if u want to read, then pls just shutup if u feel pissed cos its my diary and my feelings. cant i express it? its not assif i am doing any harm to u right? maybe u have not gone through this, thats why u dont know how miserable it is, i just hope one day when u do this, no one will sae that of u, cos i know u will feel really hurt. btw. i dunno if i am supposed to feel glad that u come to my blog? cos u seem to know everything in my blog but apparently no tags or whatever, if u want to be a mysterious person who comes here, please continue being mysterious and dont make a noise.
i am seriously disappointed in you. i really treated u as a friend, but i dont think i can ever confide in you anymore, cos apparently u dont seem trustworthy to me. i am sorry if u think i am running you down but what u did really disgusted me and make me very irritated. actually, i dunno why i cld feel the tears welling up too when i think abt what u say. maybe its because i trusted u so much and now that i see how u r behaving, i am really disappointed. i dont mean u cant get upset with me and my actions but pls, think abt what u r doing at the moment before u run me down and criticize me. i rly thought u were a nice person, a good friend, one who cares, but i guess that was all act. actl to tell u the truth this is not the first time i am so disappointed in you, and i know its not the first time u run me down, but i always accept it cos ur reasons are so valid and u make me reflect on my actions, but this time, i cant cos i think u need more reflection than i do, at least i dont let my cca and FAMILY down. and i hope u know why i sae family. okay maybe in ur eyes u didnt let ur family down, but what abt cca? dont tell me u dont. if u sae u dont, go search ur soul, and i hope u find the true ans and stp deceiving urself. know what? i really hoped i dont know all these, cos i dont wish to change my impression of u. even though we still wld be friends, but i guess that part of trust is gone and hard to get back again, cos its not the first time and this time, i am rly disappointed. somewhat i feel that i have just lost a good friend on a sunday night when i saw that.. its rly hurting if u dunno.
okay whether u see that or not, i just wish to say it. anyway lets talk abt sth happier than. actl its nth much. i just feel super stalked these few daes. like ytd we went to the china ambassador thing, then performed. and btw, the journey on the bus back to sch was super horrendous, i think i almost had concusion cos the bus was so super jerky i cld not even rest properly on the seat. then winny spied my hp and read my msg! haha fine its nth much. i know i cld trust her (: then angeline said that she didnt like shanchin. aww! haha fine, everyone have their own feel. then we went to northpoint. we went to macs and i had lemon lime juice. somewhat i am very into this drink recently, esp lime juice. its freshens u up okay (: esp when i am in a so dead mood aft laughing and playing the whole night before sun with hern and jialing. so i guess limejuice does magic cos i was super awake then (: and we started creating a farm, angeline went through lots of stages in life before she became a pony. she was a cockroach, then a caterpillar, then centipede, then cow, then changed with winny to be a cat and finally a pony. i am a nice poodle (: haha fine! thats sound spastic but poodle are linked with PINK so its kind of cool i guess (: then we went to take neos cos winny wanted and that was when we felt stalked by this all black grp of guys. like from head to toe all black. its like where we go, we see them, winny was super freaked out okay. but angeline being kind of slow and dead did not realise it. and once winny said they whistled when we walked past but i didnt hear. like whatever, not good and cool enough to catch my attention (: HEH! loser! okay i sound mean, but i was glad they didnt follow us home.
btw i am proud of myself. i manage to make the lousy scanner work and i was damn pissed at first, esp with shanchin trying to irritate me in the msn convo! i rly feel like boxing him but i rmb sandy sae we shld not be bad to MR CHINNIE SHAN. or whatever it is. haha.
then today everything was okay except i was kindof.. upset. but luckily there was dance with LAOSHI :D and eva was super nice to me today. heh. apparently i am not pms-y towards her (: i feel damn guilty if i was. heh. then eh.. i guess i ate truckloads today cos i just stuff a lot of guava into my mouth. out of point! anyway i went home with sandy then. then there was this sick man who keeps looking at sandy and i just cant stp laughing! haha then sandy sat his seat x) oh i manage to make sandy and bailu feel dumb! HAH (: so on the bus me and sandy were talking abt her mr chinnie again! aiya i feel better calling him shanchin. then we went to macs cos someone felt excited and hungry. she shld be glad there was still time before the tuition. so went there and i sat opposite this grp of cchy guys. which apparently is SUPER GAY u shld have ask sandy what happen. i guess they thought i am interested in them or sth. like WHATEVER! i was super irritated when i left. then on the bus i was training my abs cos apparently i laughed for like then 5 to 10 min journey? haha LARRY IS LOVABLE OKAY (: LOVABLE LARRY. alliteration! we can put the flower in the pot then the sun will shine on it. oh god! i shall go and prepare the test for sandy now. LARRYLARRY! EVERYONE LOVES LARRY (: i feel super high now. i shall go get more food to make myself settle cos when i eat a lot, i will feel guilty and get super quiet. heh! oh ahma make dumplings. coolman!
DANCER
Girlfriend
Girlfriend